Quad Daily News - 11/16/2022
URBANA, IL — University of Illinois Chancellor Robert J. Jones got the Thanksgiving mood started at UIUC on Wednesday, November 16, with the annual pardoning of the UIUC turkey's student debt. This year's turkey, named Edna, had $128,538 worth of student loans forgiven by the University, though this reportedly does not include textbook or Labflow costs. "We know that our students are feeling stressed this time of year", said Jones, wearing a traditional Iroquois loincloth, "we thought that a festive turkey pardon would lighten the mood". When questioned about the significant price-tag of this event, Jones was dismissive; "We could use the money to reduce costs for poorer students, but that wouldn't be as fun. It wouldn't have been helpful anyways, as we were planning on hiking tuition by 10% next year". As part of its Thanksgiving celebrations, the Office of Diversity and Inclusion also plans to resurrect Chief Illiniwek and have him perform a traditional rain-dance on the Main Quad.
UPDATE: Turkey to be undercooked and served at ISR, according to Illini Dining Service whistleblower
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